Craigslist Capers

Craigslist Capers

One of the most interesting jobs I ever had was working for a custom table and furniture making company in Tennessee.  I was the only woman at the company, and all of the guys treated me like their little sister.  The boss, David, was elvish and charming, with an amazing sense of humor.  Often we would get scammy craigslist requests for our items, and to pass the time, we started replying to some of them.  I saved my favorites, and I still laugh until the tears come every time I read these.  The spam is in italics, while our replies are in regular text.

As the old saying goes– if you love what you do, and laugh every day, then you won’t work a day in your life.  And laugh we did.  Please enjoy. 😉


Hi, do you still have it available? kindly text me as I planned to buy it for my new apartment. 601-557-4732. Thanks

It burned up in a fire but I have the ashes.  Shipping will be almost nothing on it now.  That will save you a lot of money.


Still for sale?     

Yes it is still for sale. I sold it yesterday so you can still buy it if you want.

Craigslist Capers


I saw your post on craigslist and i’m interested in buying it.I will like to know if you will take a bank check for the payment but i wont pick up till when the check clears at your bank.If you are okay with it,send your name,address and phone number so i can get the check sent to you immediately.



My name is:

Santa Clause


1 North Pole Lane

Arctic Circle, Canada ED3 SR1


Do you still have it?

I still have it but I sold it. It will not be picked up yesterday.


Are these tables strong enough to have sex on?

I’m not sure, but we will do some rigorous testing and get back you.


Is this still available? Whats the present condition?

My name is Donald Duck but you can call me Don. What do you need? I give swift kicks away at no charge.


hello is it available for purchase

Yes it is. She is pretty broken down but she can still plow.

Craigslist Capers

still for sale ?

Yes.  How much do you want for it?


Can i have your email address?  I hate this links.

I’ll show you mine if you’ll show me yours.


OK, how do I make payment I need the items urgently kindly get back to me ASAP

Send a check is the best way.  Send it to:


Joe Brendone

Agent in Charge

Eastern Division FBI

12334 Connecticut Ave, Suite 416

Washington, DC 20201


Please include a return address if you will.

Thanks and I look forward to doing business with you.

All the Best




Hello, I found your listing on Craigslist, I’m very interested & would like to know the present condition. Thanks… Ann. 

Yes   It has a present condition and it is good, except for the part that is not good but it is good too. What condition do you need?  I have both.

Thank you.


Alright Fred, I’m just making sure its in a good condition.I’m pretty okay with your listed price and i will be paying you via PayPal. Pls let me know if you do have a PayPal account…


I don’t use PayPal. I prefer cash.  Can you send me cash. I like cash.

Craigslist Capers


Still there?

Yes. But I don’t think you will like it very much. I can tell you are not my type.



Sound great what is the condition and for how long have you had it?

I bought it right after the Civil War so it is very old but it is in great condition. Would you like to know more about the Civil War?  Send me your email address and I will tell you a lot you don’t know.


Are you real seller? I like your product. if you are real seller than send your product picture here

No, I am not a real seller.  I was killed in a car wreck about 2 years ago.  Man what a mess that was.  Anyway, this heaven thing is not all it is cracked up to be.  I have to sell fake stuff on Craigslist to pay the rent on my cloud.  And it is not a very good cloud either.  Lot’s of holes and it is wet down inside.  Anyway, if you want some fake stuff from a not real seller, I have it.

Thanks for checking with me.  It’s been a while since anyone did.


Oh by the way I don’t take checks.  They are taxed and that is only done in hell.



I’m interested in buying your product. Give your phone number. Text me


Once upon a time in the Land of the Odd, the village idiot stepped into the blacksmith’s shop and sat on the forge.  You can image what that accomplished.  Thanks for the offer to send you my phone number but I think I will just go sit on the forge instead.

Cheerfully yours,


Craigslist Capers

I saw your add.If it is unsold?Please Contact with me Asap to


Yes, it is not unsold.

Thank you for your interest in it.



I want to buy your product. Give your phone number. text me


Hey.  I have product. Do you have product? What product you want? My product expensive.  Your product expensive?

I have color product. You have color product?  What color your product. Can I have your product? I’m please send me your product. I like your product.



i’m interested, i just relocated down here kindly text me if you will take a bank certified check and once it clears then I will send someone to pick up or i will come my self.. Thank you.


Hi Joe,

We do not take certified checks but we do take ice cream as long as there are no motorcycles.  Motorcycles cause algae and blue stuff which makes the bananas rot fast.  We feed the flies that way but animals are our specialty.  Rocks and neon color panties are good.

Thanks.  Let me know if I can help anyway.

Fred Flintstone



Sounds good,i will need your name and address to mail. also your self phone number for easy communication a check to you, it will take one-day to deliver



I don’t take checks.. Can you pay me in ice cream?


Craigslist Capers

still available ?

I sold it but I am willing to sell it again if it is cash or cashier’s check.  Send me the money and if it is still here you can have it. I can make better money if I sell things more than once. Let me know if you’re interested. Thanks.



Do you still have it?


Yes I do. I got it on a trip to the Amazon and have not been able to get rid if it. I have been to the doctor many times and they tell me I will have to have an implant.

How did you know I have it?



I’ll send you a bank check for the payment and i will include the mailing charges..



Great. How much are you going to send?  I need a new roof and if you can stand it I really could use a new car. I found a really good used Bentley which is actually less than a new Benz.  Would that be ok with you?

Thanks for your generosity.




What is your bottom price for the  Antique Farm Tables, Reclaimed Barnwood Counters, Floors – $1600 ?


I don’t have a price.  I let my customers decide the price. I can’t stand the stress of pricing. I am very sensitive.




still up for sale?


Yea but I doubt you can reach it.  It’s pretty high right now. How tall are you?


Craigslist Capers


Hello,what is your real email address? I’m not a huge fan of this relay system and I’m  interested.


I don’t have a real email address.  My emails are all reproductions, but if you don’t look closely you can’t tell.



I asked for your email because am getting your response in my spam folder and am not comfortable with it.



Have you talked with your psychiatrist about this?  I am really sympathetic and very sorry you are uncomfortable.  Perhaps it would help if I told you how I handled my uncomfortable feeling about spam. I went back to a time when I was really young and my mother left to go to the store.  I really didn’t want her to go.  I wanted her to stay home and play with me.  When I worked through this with my counselor my fear and uncomfortable feelings about spam almost went completely away.  I suggest you should get some help and see if you can find a similar thing in your past and move through it. Just remember to always work with a qualified person. No fly-by-night people that say they know how to do this.  Let me know if have any results.  I am very interest in knowing what happens.

Take care of yourself.  Spam fear is a terrible thing but it can be conquered.   I recommend staying away from Spam and eggs until the trauma passes.

All the best.




Are you real seller? I like your product. if you are real seller than send your product picture here


Naw man, you called me out really quick.  I am a fake seller not a real one.  You don’t want to deal with me.  You will get screwed.  Great noticing though.  You are really smart to pick up on it at the very first like you did.  If I wasn’t a fake seller I think we could be friends.


Be careful out there.  There are lots of fake sellers like me.



Hello, Is this Item still available for sale? Please text me back now on **6*1+4-9+9_2-3_6*1+8+++….Kelly



Craigslist Capers


Hello your item still available for sale Please text me back . I’m Ethan.



Nope. I sold it to the Pope. Call him.  He might sell it to you.

Have a wonderful day.


I dont understand you

I don’t understand me either.  I have seen a shrink but it didn’t help.


Craigslist Capers

I wouldn’t mind buying if you can give me discount of the listed price. Considering I have to pay for shipping and delivery to Utah.


(309) 123-4567


Hi Beal

Here is what I can do.  How about rather than you paying me I will pay you.  Send me your bank account, routing number and your address and I will wire the purchase price of the table to you.  Make sense?




     Do you still have the item you place on the site for sale and get back to me with selling price and present condition


The condition is present but the final price is not. It left unexpectedly.  I the price comes back I will let you know. If I don’t let you know you will not know.

Craigslist Capers

What is your bottom price for the  antique farm tables, counters, floors – $1600?


I don’t sell table bottoms. I sell table tops. If you want a bottom you probably should go to a strip joint somewhere. You can find lots of bottoms there.

Good luck



Where is it located at the long have you been using it..any damages..are you the first owner


It is located here and I have had it for about this ————— long.   I made it.

No damage yet but I fly with almost everyday and the feathers are starting to show some wear.  I hope it doesn’t crash before I sell it to you.  That way you can crash it for yourself.

Make sense?



I’m interested but don’t like this cl relay system what is your real email address.   

I don’t have a real email address but I have several fakes ones. Would one of those work?


I asked for your email because am getting your response in my spam folder and am not comfortable with it.

Wow, that is really bad.  Have you seen a psychiatrist about this?  I have heard of people with spam discomfort before but I have never talked to one.  Well, just to be clear we didn’t talk but this is sorta like talking, right?  I will instruct my emails to not go to your spam.  Bad emails!  Bad emails!  Maybe that will help.

Craigslist Capers


What is your email address? i am interested in this and i have questions

I am interested in this too. That’s cool. We already have a lot in common. Tell, what is your favorite color. I would have to say mine is like, Navy blue. Are you a blue person too?!




Ok do you have any email i can contact you on rather than the CL link? Your email is not showing

No I don’t but I have a Ferrari. Do you have a Ferrari?



I’m the personal Driver to Jerry Brown governor of California. I’m unable to be reach to my cell phone only email to email is the only option I’ve got to deal with you. I’d be grateful if we possibly we work out things this way. 

Oh that’s great. I know Jerry quite well.  We were in school together for many years.  Haven’t talked to him in over a year. Tell him I said hello and I will tell him we have met.

Enough of that, what can I do for you?



Craigslist Capers

What is your email address? i am interested in this and i have questions

I am sorry but I don’t have an email address.  Can we use yours?



Hello is your   antiques      still available. I’ll be mailing you a check for it and as soon as check clears ill have my movers come pick it up. Get beck to me on my other line  (347) 903-9325  with the name and address to mail check to.


Sure. Mail it to:

Santa Clause

One North Pole Lane

South Arctica, 37919

Please include a small tip for the elves.  They don’t get much attention this time of the year.




what is the present condition, are you the first owner, how long have you been using it? Scott

Hi Scott,

This is an unusual item in that it does not have a condition.  That makes it very, very rare piece and worth a lot of money. Note that because it does not have a condition you can do about anything you want to it and not hurt the value.  I have dropped it several times and nicked the edge with my lawn mower once and it is just like it was. Love it. Quite extraordinary I think. Let me know if you are still interested.


Harry Potter



Okay glad, The price is okay but it’s a long journey, I can’t make it there with cash, but I will have to make an arrangement with AGS freight company they will come for the pick up as soon as you receive the payment,i will add the shipping fee to the payment so you can help me to send the money across to them and i want you to assure me is in very good condition. Do you have PayPal account for the payment?.

I do have a PayPal account.  It is  Let me know what else you need to send me the money. I need it bad.


Craigslist Capers

Bottom price for the Antique Reclaimed Barnwood Flooring, Countertops, Farm Tables – $1600?

I don’t just sell the bottoms.  You pretty much need to buy the whole table, which naturally would include the top.  We throw in the legs for free.



I need your product. I’m not sure you are real. If you are real. Give
me your phone number. Text me to –

Well, I was real for a long time but I died about 6 months ago.  Let me tell you something about dying. Sometimes you get a warning your going to die and other times you don’t. I died real fast and didn’t get time to take down my Craigslist ads.  I would text you my wife’s phone number but the cell service up here sucks. Sorry about that.



Hi, I found your listing on Craigslist, I’m very interested & would like to know the present condition. Thanks.

I am completely sold out of present condition.



Hi, I’m very interested & would like to know the present condition Thanks

Yes, as of last week it had a condition.  Negligible.  You still want it?

Thanks :), am just trying to make sure its in a good condition, I would love to purchase, I’m satisfied with your price , & I’m requesting this transaction should be done via PayPal

None of my Pals pay so I am confused on how that would work.



I want to buy your product but is it fixed price. How long have you used this? And why do you want to sell it? Can I talk to you about this product? Reply back here:::: with your answer

Well, I guess you cannot buy my product because it is not fixed price.  If I made it an unfixed price would you be interested in it?  I haven’t used it.  It is stolen and I just stole it yesterday. I am trying to unlock the monitored security device attached to it and that has been harder than I thought it would be.   I want to sell it because the Police are looking for it.

Yes you can talk to me about it.



Craigslist Capers


Hello .I came across your ad and will like to know if you still have it available.Let’s  discuss further. I’ll be waiting for your response. Thank you

Nope. The Pope stopped just before your email came in and he bought it. He’s going to decorate the Pope-mobile with it.  I can give you his number and you can call him and see if he will sell it.



Hello, Do you still have it for sale?


I am so glad you contacted me.  I have been really lonely lately.  Are you from like, California or maybe Slovenia or someplace cool like that?  I would love to meet someone from one of those places.  Now don’t worry if you are not from there.  That won’t affect anything in our relationship.  I am not prejudiced in that way.

I have a cat and a dog. Do have any pets? My cat’s name is Taz.  That is short for Tasmanian Devil because he was soooo crazy when he was a kitten. My dogs name is Kip (short for Kipper).  I can send you pictures of them if you like.

Well, I just want you to know how exciting this is to meet someone from Craigslist. You hear all those wild  stories about crazy people that are on Craigslist. I am not crazy but I bet you are!  At least I hope you are!

Well, I have a confession to make. I don’t really have anything for sale.  I just ran that ad to see if someone would write to me and it worked!   I am so happy. Would you send me your phone number so I can call you? And please, please do send me your address too.  I will come there very soon. I won’t tell you what I look like so it will be a complete surprise!   I will only tell you this one thing (so you will know it is me when I knock on the door), I have pink hair.  That’s ALL I am going to tell you and it won’t help to beg.   Thank you so much for writing me. I love you so much!

PS: Are you male or female?  I really don’t care which one you are.  Or for that matter it doesn’t matter if you are neither!  I just don’t care. I am just not a prejudiced person at all.



Hi I’m…MARY. I found your listing on Craigslist, I’m interested and would like to know the present condition

Hi Mary

The legs don’t quite reach the ground so it is a little unstable but other than that it is in great shape.


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